The Power of Identity

Jen and I have just welcomed our daughter, Isla, into the world. And like all parents, we have both suddenly experienced a huge, brilliant shift in our lives. If you had asked us a few months ago, Who are you?, we would have most likely given you quite a long and varied answer, listing our work, our passions, and the things that make us feel accomplished. But now, the answer is simply – Mum and Dad.

We all carry a story about who we are – that we’re a parent, a professional, kind, intelligent, someone who keeps their word. These self-beliefs don’t just describe us; they influence what we say yes to, what we avoid, and how we show up in the world – often far more than we realise.

Our identity is the deepest, most personal thing about us, it is at the very heart of everything we do. The choices we make, the habits we build, and the paths we follow in life all flow from that sense of self. So if we want to change our lives, the most powerful place to begin is by understanding and shaping the identity that guides us.

Repeating an action creates an identity

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit” – Aristotle.

Change ‘excellence’ for any characteristic or identity, and the above statement still rings true – kindness, selflessness, discipline, resilience, consistency, patience, courage, being a committed runner, someone who prioritises their physical and mental well-being – they are all the result of repeated actions.

It’s the same principle behind the old saying: "Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny”.

The actions we repeatedly take make us who we are. No one is born motivated, disciplined, or resilient – who we are is made through our choices. We become someone who is resilient through repeatedly choosing to keep on going when times get tough, we become a kind person when we consistently choose to treat others with compassion, and we become someone who is committed to running by repeatedly deciding to lace up and head out.

The more we behave in line with our desired identity, the stronger we believe it to be true. As James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, says: “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

Every run, and every decision made that fuels your running, is evidence that contributes to a runner identity. Not the time, pace, or distance. Not the prestige of the event you complete or if you are part of a running group. Not whether you are racking up the miles or taking on the first steps of Coach to 5k. It is simply the act of running, in any form, that casts the vote.

Building an identity promotes action

The actions we repeatedly do – our habits – promote our identity. And in turn, the power of identity can be enormous on our future choices and actions.

A fascinating study from the University of Minnesota described what researchers called the “Batman Effect”. When children were asked to complete a boring task and resist the lure of an iPad game, those who imagined themselves as Batman (“Is Batman working hard?”) stayed focused nearly twice as long as those who thought in the third person (“Is Sarah working hard?”) or first person (“Am I working hard?”). By giving themselves the identity of someone disciplined and focused, they were better able to stay on track and ignore distractions.

Similarly, a study from Winona State University and the University of Wisconsin–Milwaukee showed that even simple shifts in self-perception - linking healthy actions to identity - can change behaviour. When people were asked to describe themselves using “do-er” phrases like fruit eater, veggie grabber, or less-sugar drinker, they went on to maintain and even improve their healthy eating over the next month. Those who only received standard nutrition advice, by contrast, slipped back into old habits. By seeing healthy choices as part of who they are, participants became more consistent and intentional in their actions.

Kobe Bryant, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, embodied this idea through the creation of his Black Mamba persona. He developed this alter ego to separate emotion from performance – to step onto the court as someone ruthless, focused, and unshakeably disciplined. The “Mamba” was not about pretending to be someone else, but about becoming the version of himself that could meet pressure with precision. Every training session, every game, and every recovery choice reinforced that identity until it became automatic.

When we decide who we are, our actions fall into place. A weak person gives up. A lazy person never starts. A disciplined person shows up. A resilient person keeps going. When Muhammad Ali said, “I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was”, he wasn’t inflating his ego. He knew that the greatest boxer is he who works the hardest outside of the ring, and so, if he referred to himself as the greatest, then he would act in line with that identity.

Our identity sits at the core of everything we do. It’s the story we tell ourselves about who we are - and our actions rise to meet that expectation. When our actions reflect who we believe we are, effort turns into expression – we simply live out our identity.

Kick-starting the identity-action loop

Over time, this creates a powerful feedback loop: our actions shape our identity, and our identity drives our actions. Each choice reinforces who we believe we are - and the stronger that belief becomes, the more naturally we express it through how we act.

But where to begin?

Author, investor, and former college athlete, Sahil Bloom, uses a mental model he calls the ‘Life Razor’ – a rule of thumb he uses for making decisions to ensure that he leads a life he can be proud of.

Sahil has a young son, and a really important goal for Sahil is to one day coach his son’s sports team. To be able to do that, Sahil must first be respected by his son, otherwise his son won’t want him coaching him and his friends, and he must be trusted by the community to coach their children.

And so, to achieve this goal, he must be the person who can accomplish it. Sahil must act in a way that continuously reinforces that identity.

How does he ensure this happens? Every decision he makes, he views through the lens: Am I being the sort of person that can coach his son’s sports team?

This means acting with high integrity so that he is respected and trusted by his son and the local community. It means choosing actions that align with that identity – showing patience, fairness, and consistency in all areas of life. It’s a constant reminder that his actions determine the kind of coach, father, and role model he becomes.

I use this same method when it comes to being someone who prioritises their physical and emotional well-being. Every choice – whether it’s to exercise, take a rest day, or what I eat and drink – becomes a reflection of that identity. It’s not about forcing discipline or chasing perfection; it’s about acting in alignment with the kind of person I want to be – someone who values energy, balance, and peace of mind.

This has been further strengthened by becoming a father. I now view my decision-making through a completely new lens – one that extends beyond myself. Every decision now carries the weight of example. My daughter will learn not just from what I say, but from what I do: how I treat my body, how I handle stress, and how I take care of my health. When I choose to exercise, eat well, or slow down when I need rest, it’s no longer just about me feeling better – it’s about modelling a life of balance, self-respect, and consistency.

So, when I’m faced with a decision – do I eat a meal heavily focused on high-sugar food, or effectively fuel my body and mind? Do I go out drinking, or get an early night to recharge? Skip the workout, or go to the gym? – I ask myself: am I being the person who I would want my daughter to look up to? Am I the sort of person who prioritises their physical and emotional well-being? These simple questions reframe everything. It shifts the focus from short-term comfort to long-term identity.

By changing what I do, I reinforce the person I want to be, and in turn, move closer to the life I want to lead.